See Me, Feel Me

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Do You Sing?

What part of "please don't give me a prop" do production personnel not understand? I was hired to do background work onTHE ADJUSTMENT BUREAU starring Matt Damon as a guy running for NY Senate. I was positioned to play a press photographer and the props department gave me a big still camera and a press pass that actually had a photo of
a guy on it, and it was signed, "Jimi Hendrix." I guess I do look a little bit like a drug-addicted guitar player. Remind me to put that on my resume. Anyway, we were working out on the Brooklyn waterfront for hours on end, so of course my back started aching from carrying the camera (how is it that photographers don't all look like Quasimodo - does that name ring a bell? hahaha). During the scene, I had to push my way up to the front of the podium and take photos of Matt (aka David Norris) as he was making an important speech. My job was to turn the camera on, look through the viewfinder (which was mostly just black because it was an old broken film camera) and then click the shutter button. Then I got fancy and turned the camera sideways and took a couple more photos. After the first take, the production assistant told me that I shouldn't take so many pictures, that I looked fake. FAKE! I looked like a fake photographer? Me -- who takes a gazillion photos every day???. Anyway, do THESE pictures look fake? Just please don't give me a prop, ever ever ever. No matter what I do, it's always just wrong.

During the short breaks between some shots, some of the other actors asked Matt if he'd take their picture with them. He was very sweet and said ok. I thought, that is SO unprofessional of them to ask, but of course I totally wanted to do the same. Instead, I asked Matt Damon if he sang. He said "not well". After a moment of dead, awkward silence, people started laughing and I said, "well, that put an end to THAT conversation. I produce musicals." Another actor pointed out that "not singing well has not stopped many people from doing Broadway musicals anyway." Later, I learned that Matt actually does sing quite well and he was just being humble, so now I'm mad that I didn't pursue it further. I mean, crap, if Hugh Jackman can do a Broadway show, why not Matt Damon. What a coup that would have been. But could I really have worked closely with a Red Sox fan? I don't know. Sour grapes.

During the shoot, there were lots of helicopters flying overhead, including Marine One (it was one of the two green helicopters we saw or one of the decoys carrying President Obama). Obama was in town to raise money for the Democrats and to hit the campaign trail in support of Jon Corzine. Matt and everybody started waving up at the helicopters and someone with an American flag in our crowd started waving it, too. It was very patriotic, and I hope it was all caught on film. I'm back on the Obama bandwagon, as long as he starts implementing his Sudan policies and doesn't just speak empty rhetoric.

During a short break, photos were taken of two friends (George & Larry) and me on the set, sans Matt Damon. One of them was wearing a bandana. I said, "what are you, a pirate?" It was a smart actor-y move, though, because at least he'll be able to find himself in those aerial shots, not just another sun-burnt head in the crowd.

The next night, I attended a Screen Actors Guild (SAG) Foundation "Conversations" with Jane Krakowski, Jack McBrayer and Jennifer McNamara-Shroff (casting director) from 30 ROCK. Yes - I wore my Tina Fey glasses. Anyway, afterwards, I asked Jack McBrayer if he could sing. He said that he did musicals in high school but was not really a singer and that I should talk to Jane, because, of course she does Broadway.

Clearly, my two attempts this week to obtain stars for my projects failed miserably.

The NEXT day, I was hired to be a second-unit extra for the Will Ferrell/Mark Wahlberg movie, THE OTHER GUYS. I was deep, deep background, a dot in the distance, as they filmed stunt guys literally jumping off of high buildings in NYC and landing at a getaway truck. It was thrilling but 9 hours of standing on cement and eating Goldenberg's Peanut Chews (oh wait - they don't call them that any more! They're now Chew-ets. Whaddup with that?) at my age is probably not so healthy. I was just grateful that they didn't make me use a prop.

Many photos are attached so enjoy living vicariously. xoxo, Ei

MY YOM KIPPUR BLOG

I was sitting at Yom Kippur services with Tovah Feldshuh and her son, Brandon, and JERRY SEINFELD and his family SAT RIGHT BEHIND US!! I couldn't really fully concentrate. I kept thinking - what's HE thinking? "What's with all this shofar blowing....?" or "What's with all the standing and sitting and standing and sitting...." So, now I have to atone for not really atoning. At least it made up for the fact that I couldn't eat my birthday cake until after sundown. Oh yeah, and we were at the Creflo Dollar Church because our synagogue is too small to accommodate everybody so we had to rent bigger spaces for the High Holidays. On the wall is engraved a quote from Matthew, something like: "Cure the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the lepers, cast out the demons." I felt as if I were in an episode of TRU BLOOD.
I wonder if Jerry went home and emailed everyone he knows..."Guess what! I sat behind 'Woman at Yom Kippur' at Yom Kippur!" (Yeah - I played "Woman at Yom Kippur" in a movie. My one IMDB credit.) SHANA TOVAH!
xoxo, WAYK AYK

Rosemary

In sharing my "being dissed by Brooke Shields in an elevator" story, I was reminded of the time that my friend, David, was in an elevator in his theatre-district apartment building. An elderly woman in a black floor-length gown was also in the elevator. David asked her if she was going to the theatre. She said yes - that she worked there. He asked if she were an usher. She graciously said no. They exited and went their separate ways. He then went to pick up his tickets for LOST IN YONKERS and realized that the woman was Rosemary Harris. (She really should stop dressing like an usherette.) By the way - that's Cliff Robertston in the photo, not David.

NICHOLAS KRISTOF, A SHORT WAKE, AND ME

OH YEAH - AND BROOKE SHIELDS, TOO.





So last week I went to a benefit for Ruth Messinger's AJWS honoring NICHOLAS KRISTOF of the NY Times & his new book HALF THE SKY and the HBO film REPORTER, which follows Nick on his research into Congo. Afterwards, I'm getting my book signed and I handed Nicholas a list of actions that people can take to help DARFUR & my business card & a postcard about A SHORT WAKE, by Derek Murphy, the show I'm co-producing. So here's a photo of me getting my book signed and I notice that the postcard is in the picture. I have got to be the best self-promoter ever.

Then I went to a reading of the new musical, EMPIRE, about the history of the Empire State Building, and I was in a tiny little elevator in midtown with a theatre general manager friend and BROOKE SHIELDS!!! I didn't know whether to give her my Darfur action list, my show postcard, my headshot, ask her if I can be a stand-in for her (since we're the same height if I were to wear 3-inch heels - and, by the way, I do know how to say "I prefer high heels" in Croatian, but that's a whole other story), ask her if she liked EMPIRE, or what. So just as I turned to look at her and ask her a question, any question, she turns and looks at the back wall, so I knew she didn't want me to say anything to her. Turning around to face the back in a 2' x 3' elevator is universal language for leave me the f*#k alone you producer/actor/activist/writer/researcher. Later, when I told the general manager that I froze in front of Brooke Shields, he said he didn't even realize she was in the elevator with us!!!! And I thought I was kicking MYself.

Crocodile Tears/Butterfly Effect, part 2 (of 1)

So I got called to audition as a gorilla scientist for THE ONION. They're going to be filming an internet production of a fake interview. I couldn't be more perfect, right? I look the part. But who knew that my bad acting was even TOO BAD FOR THE ONION!!! I was told to read the copy as a serious scientist, so I just read it straight, trying to sound blandish like Ben Stein or Stephen Colbert. But after the first read-through, the director says, could you read it now with NO emotion, please. NO EMOTION. I had just made myself completely devoid of any feeling and they still thought I was over-emoting. OMG, Gus. (I don't know who Gus is, but I had a dream last night that I started a publishing company called "OH MY GOD, GUS.") What the hey?

I also did a day of background work on UGLY BETTY. I was a pedestrian outside the WOOLWORTH'S BUILDING in NYC. (FYI, Woolworth's was my favorite store of all times. I even wrote and recorded a farewell song to the store when it finally closed, and I bought the Woolworth's Lip Balm display from my local Woolworth's store.) But I digress. This story is to say that I guess I should consider myself the Jewish Ugly (Uchly) Betty because they had me in some schmatte but, luckily, I never got on set in that outfit. However, in another scene I was walking behind Vanessa Williams as she exited "Meade Enterprises." Vanessa was to walk up the street in like 10-inch heels and a tight yellow designer dress. Not too shabby. Unlike me, in a black tank & green safari skirt. Oh wait - that's the outfit I also wore for my Gorilla Scientist audition. Anyway, once up the street, Vanessa would stop and talk to a character played by Piter Marek, then look at the camera with a conspiratorial grin. After a number of takes, we are down to the last 20 seconds of the shot and this cheery middle-aged Hispanic woman standing on the side, watching the action with other tourists, shouted out "HI, VANESSA!!!" The p.a.s went ballistic - "Lady, you just ruined the shot!" The lady apologized, but probably thought it was pretty funny, and it was, actually. Then, we shot it again and THIS time, an elderly woman in a bright, bright, pink top wandered into the scene, right behind Vanessa and Piter and just stood there, oblivious that anything was even being filmed, turning a 2-shot into a 3-shot. For once, I was glad it wasn't me causing the ruination of the shot. But you can look for the episode this coming season – it’s called THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT, Part 2.

While in the holding area for BETTY, a model/singer/actor/bicyclist named Michael was playing chess with another biker extra and started talking about his band and how he was going to change his band's name, but had to get the rights to it. I asked him what his band's name was going to be and he said it was in flux. I thought that was the name of the band. Michael In Flux. But it wasn't. He wouldn't say, until he gets the rights. I think he should call it, Oh My God, Gus.

I'm Going to Be on the Street with a Tin Can Soon

The continuing saga of EB's quest for Employment.
I fear the job search is not going well at all. Lisa, a childhood friend who produces commercials, recommended me highly to a casting director who casts commercials and industrials. They called me right away for an audition for an industrial to promote a new inhaler. I thought they were just going to be doing still shots but they videotaped a whole sequence of actions with the inhaler. We were supposed to make it look easy to use but I kept holding it wrong and nearly dropping it. It was huge and I'm so spastic. If I knew it was going to be choreographed, I might not have gone in for it - one fleeting look at my dancing and you'd know. Afterwards, I went to the Actors Fund to sign up for their work program and I saw in the mirror that I had a blob of mascara on my forehead!!!!! I am the worst actor ever known to mankind - you would think they could find a niche for me SOMEWHERE. (In any case, how often does one get to write, "It was huge and I'm so spastic"?) I feel so bad for Lisa - now they won't trust her ever again. Since my acting career was now in great question, I signed up to be a Census Worker and had to take a test to be eligible. I asked the person who called to schedule me what I'm supposed to wear - and she said, anything except pajamas. Now I have nothing to wear! The real reason I liked working freelance was that I could do it from home and stay in my pj's all day long. Well, that and the money. Damn. But I did take the test and I did get a 98.