Crocodile Tears/Butterfly Effect, part 2 (of 1)

So I got called to audition as a gorilla scientist for THE ONION. They're going to be filming an internet production of a fake interview. I couldn't be more perfect, right? I look the part. But who knew that my bad acting was even TOO BAD FOR THE ONION!!! I was told to read the copy as a serious scientist, so I just read it straight, trying to sound blandish like Ben Stein or Stephen Colbert. But after the first read-through, the director says, could you read it now with NO emotion, please. NO EMOTION. I had just made myself completely devoid of any feeling and they still thought I was over-emoting. OMG, Gus. (I don't know who Gus is, but I had a dream last night that I started a publishing company called "OH MY GOD, GUS.") What the hey?

I also did a day of background work on UGLY BETTY. I was a pedestrian outside the WOOLWORTH'S BUILDING in NYC. (FYI, Woolworth's was my favorite store of all times. I even wrote and recorded a farewell song to the store when it finally closed, and I bought the Woolworth's Lip Balm display from my local Woolworth's store.) But I digress. This story is to say that I guess I should consider myself the Jewish Ugly (Uchly) Betty because they had me in some schmatte but, luckily, I never got on set in that outfit. However, in another scene I was walking behind Vanessa Williams as she exited "Meade Enterprises." Vanessa was to walk up the street in like 10-inch heels and a tight yellow designer dress. Not too shabby. Unlike me, in a black tank & green safari skirt. Oh wait - that's the outfit I also wore for my Gorilla Scientist audition. Anyway, once up the street, Vanessa would stop and talk to a character played by Piter Marek, then look at the camera with a conspiratorial grin. After a number of takes, we are down to the last 20 seconds of the shot and this cheery middle-aged Hispanic woman standing on the side, watching the action with other tourists, shouted out "HI, VANESSA!!!" The p.a.s went ballistic - "Lady, you just ruined the shot!" The lady apologized, but probably thought it was pretty funny, and it was, actually. Then, we shot it again and THIS time, an elderly woman in a bright, bright, pink top wandered into the scene, right behind Vanessa and Piter and just stood there, oblivious that anything was even being filmed, turning a 2-shot into a 3-shot. For once, I was glad it wasn't me causing the ruination of the shot. But you can look for the episode this coming season – it’s called THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT, Part 2.

While in the holding area for BETTY, a model/singer/actor/bicyclist named Michael was playing chess with another biker extra and started talking about his band and how he was going to change his band's name, but had to get the rights to it. I asked him what his band's name was going to be and he said it was in flux. I thought that was the name of the band. Michael In Flux. But it wasn't. He wouldn't say, until he gets the rights. I think he should call it, Oh My God, Gus.