READ ALL ABOUT IT!

I suppose you’re wondering why I even do background work, given my myriad other sets of skills. Simple. It’s because you get paid to eat candy. Plus, you get to meet people that you would never meet under any other circumstance, both celebrities and regular folk. For example, in NYC in 2002, while filming HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS, the production assistant announced that we would have a half-hour for a walk away lunch. On set, they either have to provide a catered meal or you get a “walk away” where you go out and get your own lunch somewhere in the ‘hood. Upon hearing the “walk away lunch” announcement, I immediately started singing, “don’t walk away Renee....” Another actor who happened to be walking by me said, “what did you just say???” I repeated the line and explained that it was a walk away lunch, so I was singing Walk Away Renee. He told me that I had the lyrics wrong, that it wasn’t DON’T walk away, but JUST walk away and that he was in the original band that sang the song!!! He was in the LEFT BANKE! He and his wife were doing extra work now. He went on to tell me that Renee supplied drugs to the boys in the band and that the band’s manager, the father of a band member, hated Renee because of the drugs, and if the father had been in the studio and Renee showed up, he’d point to the door and say “JUST WALK AWAY, RENEE! JUST WALK AWAY!” So all this time, I thought the song was a dreamy love song and it turns out it was a “go-away-drug-pusher” song!
I checked the internet and it seems that the real Renee was the girlfriend of one band member, but the muse of another, and is now a respectable voice teacher, running an opera company in San Francisco. I was wondering why all those Northern California opera singers were walking around like dope fiends. Here are photos of me walking to set and walking away by the film's grips.

See Me, Feel Me

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Do You Sing?

What part of "please don't give me a prop" do production personnel not understand? I was hired to do background work onTHE ADJUSTMENT BUREAU starring Matt Damon as a guy running for NY Senate. I was positioned to play a press photographer and the props department gave me a big still camera and a press pass that actually had a photo of
a guy on it, and it was signed, "Jimi Hendrix." I guess I do look a little bit like a drug-addicted guitar player. Remind me to put that on my resume. Anyway, we were working out on the Brooklyn waterfront for hours on end, so of course my back started aching from carrying the camera (how is it that photographers don't all look like Quasimodo - does that name ring a bell? hahaha). During the scene, I had to push my way up to the front of the podium and take photos of Matt (aka David Norris) as he was making an important speech. My job was to turn the camera on, look through the viewfinder (which was mostly just black because it was an old broken film camera) and then click the shutter button. Then I got fancy and turned the camera sideways and took a couple more photos. After the first take, the production assistant told me that I shouldn't take so many pictures, that I looked fake. FAKE! I looked like a fake photographer? Me -- who takes a gazillion photos every day???. Anyway, do THESE pictures look fake? Just please don't give me a prop, ever ever ever. No matter what I do, it's always just wrong.

During the short breaks between some shots, some of the other actors asked Matt if he'd take their picture with them. He was very sweet and said ok. I thought, that is SO unprofessional of them to ask, but of course I totally wanted to do the same. Instead, I asked Matt Damon if he sang. He said "not well". After a moment of dead, awkward silence, people started laughing and I said, "well, that put an end to THAT conversation. I produce musicals." Another actor pointed out that "not singing well has not stopped many people from doing Broadway musicals anyway." Later, I learned that Matt actually does sing quite well and he was just being humble, so now I'm mad that I didn't pursue it further. I mean, crap, if Hugh Jackman can do a Broadway show, why not Matt Damon. What a coup that would have been. But could I really have worked closely with a Red Sox fan? I don't know. Sour grapes.

During the shoot, there were lots of helicopters flying overhead, including Marine One (it was one of the two green helicopters we saw or one of the decoys carrying President Obama). Obama was in town to raise money for the Democrats and to hit the campaign trail in support of Jon Corzine. Matt and everybody started waving up at the helicopters and someone with an American flag in our crowd started waving it, too. It was very patriotic, and I hope it was all caught on film. I'm back on the Obama bandwagon, as long as he starts implementing his Sudan policies and doesn't just speak empty rhetoric.

During a short break, photos were taken of two friends (George & Larry) and me on the set, sans Matt Damon. One of them was wearing a bandana. I said, "what are you, a pirate?" It was a smart actor-y move, though, because at least he'll be able to find himself in those aerial shots, not just another sun-burnt head in the crowd.

The next night, I attended a Screen Actors Guild (SAG) Foundation "Conversations" with Jane Krakowski, Jack McBrayer and Jennifer McNamara-Shroff (casting director) from 30 ROCK. Yes - I wore my Tina Fey glasses. Anyway, afterwards, I asked Jack McBrayer if he could sing. He said that he did musicals in high school but was not really a singer and that I should talk to Jane, because, of course she does Broadway.

Clearly, my two attempts this week to obtain stars for my projects failed miserably.

The NEXT day, I was hired to be a second-unit extra for the Will Ferrell/Mark Wahlberg movie, THE OTHER GUYS. I was deep, deep background, a dot in the distance, as they filmed stunt guys literally jumping off of high buildings in NYC and landing at a getaway truck. It was thrilling but 9 hours of standing on cement and eating Goldenberg's Peanut Chews (oh wait - they don't call them that any more! They're now Chew-ets. Whaddup with that?) at my age is probably not so healthy. I was just grateful that they didn't make me use a prop.

Many photos are attached so enjoy living vicariously. xoxo, Ei

MY YOM KIPPUR BLOG

I was sitting at Yom Kippur services with Tovah Feldshuh and her son, Brandon, and JERRY SEINFELD and his family SAT RIGHT BEHIND US!! I couldn't really fully concentrate. I kept thinking - what's HE thinking? "What's with all this shofar blowing....?" or "What's with all the standing and sitting and standing and sitting...." So, now I have to atone for not really atoning. At least it made up for the fact that I couldn't eat my birthday cake until after sundown. Oh yeah, and we were at the Creflo Dollar Church because our synagogue is too small to accommodate everybody so we had to rent bigger spaces for the High Holidays. On the wall is engraved a quote from Matthew, something like: "Cure the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the lepers, cast out the demons." I felt as if I were in an episode of TRU BLOOD.
I wonder if Jerry went home and emailed everyone he knows..."Guess what! I sat behind 'Woman at Yom Kippur' at Yom Kippur!" (Yeah - I played "Woman at Yom Kippur" in a movie. My one IMDB credit.) SHANA TOVAH!
xoxo, WAYK AYK

Rosemary

In sharing my "being dissed by Brooke Shields in an elevator" story, I was reminded of the time that my friend, David, was in an elevator in his theatre-district apartment building. An elderly woman in a black floor-length gown was also in the elevator. David asked her if she was going to the theatre. She said yes - that she worked there. He asked if she were an usher. She graciously said no. They exited and went their separate ways. He then went to pick up his tickets for LOST IN YONKERS and realized that the woman was Rosemary Harris. (She really should stop dressing like an usherette.) By the way - that's Cliff Robertston in the photo, not David.

NICHOLAS KRISTOF, A SHORT WAKE, AND ME

OH YEAH - AND BROOKE SHIELDS, TOO.





So last week I went to a benefit for Ruth Messinger's AJWS honoring NICHOLAS KRISTOF of the NY Times & his new book HALF THE SKY and the HBO film REPORTER, which follows Nick on his research into Congo. Afterwards, I'm getting my book signed and I handed Nicholas a list of actions that people can take to help DARFUR & my business card & a postcard about A SHORT WAKE, by Derek Murphy, the show I'm co-producing. So here's a photo of me getting my book signed and I notice that the postcard is in the picture. I have got to be the best self-promoter ever.

Then I went to a reading of the new musical, EMPIRE, about the history of the Empire State Building, and I was in a tiny little elevator in midtown with a theatre general manager friend and BROOKE SHIELDS!!! I didn't know whether to give her my Darfur action list, my show postcard, my headshot, ask her if I can be a stand-in for her (since we're the same height if I were to wear 3-inch heels - and, by the way, I do know how to say "I prefer high heels" in Croatian, but that's a whole other story), ask her if she liked EMPIRE, or what. So just as I turned to look at her and ask her a question, any question, she turns and looks at the back wall, so I knew she didn't want me to say anything to her. Turning around to face the back in a 2' x 3' elevator is universal language for leave me the f*#k alone you producer/actor/activist/writer/researcher. Later, when I told the general manager that I froze in front of Brooke Shields, he said he didn't even realize she was in the elevator with us!!!! And I thought I was kicking MYself.

Crocodile Tears/Butterfly Effect, part 2 (of 1)

So I got called to audition as a gorilla scientist for THE ONION. They're going to be filming an internet production of a fake interview. I couldn't be more perfect, right? I look the part. But who knew that my bad acting was even TOO BAD FOR THE ONION!!! I was told to read the copy as a serious scientist, so I just read it straight, trying to sound blandish like Ben Stein or Stephen Colbert. But after the first read-through, the director says, could you read it now with NO emotion, please. NO EMOTION. I had just made myself completely devoid of any feeling and they still thought I was over-emoting. OMG, Gus. (I don't know who Gus is, but I had a dream last night that I started a publishing company called "OH MY GOD, GUS.") What the hey?

I also did a day of background work on UGLY BETTY. I was a pedestrian outside the WOOLWORTH'S BUILDING in NYC. (FYI, Woolworth's was my favorite store of all times. I even wrote and recorded a farewell song to the store when it finally closed, and I bought the Woolworth's Lip Balm display from my local Woolworth's store.) But I digress. This story is to say that I guess I should consider myself the Jewish Ugly (Uchly) Betty because they had me in some schmatte but, luckily, I never got on set in that outfit. However, in another scene I was walking behind Vanessa Williams as she exited "Meade Enterprises." Vanessa was to walk up the street in like 10-inch heels and a tight yellow designer dress. Not too shabby. Unlike me, in a black tank & green safari skirt. Oh wait - that's the outfit I also wore for my Gorilla Scientist audition. Anyway, once up the street, Vanessa would stop and talk to a character played by Piter Marek, then look at the camera with a conspiratorial grin. After a number of takes, we are down to the last 20 seconds of the shot and this cheery middle-aged Hispanic woman standing on the side, watching the action with other tourists, shouted out "HI, VANESSA!!!" The p.a.s went ballistic - "Lady, you just ruined the shot!" The lady apologized, but probably thought it was pretty funny, and it was, actually. Then, we shot it again and THIS time, an elderly woman in a bright, bright, pink top wandered into the scene, right behind Vanessa and Piter and just stood there, oblivious that anything was even being filmed, turning a 2-shot into a 3-shot. For once, I was glad it wasn't me causing the ruination of the shot. But you can look for the episode this coming season – it’s called THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT, Part 2.

While in the holding area for BETTY, a model/singer/actor/bicyclist named Michael was playing chess with another biker extra and started talking about his band and how he was going to change his band's name, but had to get the rights to it. I asked him what his band's name was going to be and he said it was in flux. I thought that was the name of the band. Michael In Flux. But it wasn't. He wouldn't say, until he gets the rights. I think he should call it, Oh My God, Gus.

I'm Going to Be on the Street with a Tin Can Soon

The continuing saga of EB's quest for Employment.
I fear the job search is not going well at all. Lisa, a childhood friend who produces commercials, recommended me highly to a casting director who casts commercials and industrials. They called me right away for an audition for an industrial to promote a new inhaler. I thought they were just going to be doing still shots but they videotaped a whole sequence of actions with the inhaler. We were supposed to make it look easy to use but I kept holding it wrong and nearly dropping it. It was huge and I'm so spastic. If I knew it was going to be choreographed, I might not have gone in for it - one fleeting look at my dancing and you'd know. Afterwards, I went to the Actors Fund to sign up for their work program and I saw in the mirror that I had a blob of mascara on my forehead!!!!! I am the worst actor ever known to mankind - you would think they could find a niche for me SOMEWHERE. (In any case, how often does one get to write, "It was huge and I'm so spastic"?) I feel so bad for Lisa - now they won't trust her ever again. Since my acting career was now in great question, I signed up to be a Census Worker and had to take a test to be eligible. I asked the person who called to schedule me what I'm supposed to wear - and she said, anything except pajamas. Now I have nothing to wear! The real reason I liked working freelance was that I could do it from home and stay in my pj's all day long. Well, that and the money. Damn. But I did take the test and I did get a 98.

30 Rock, Barney Greengrass and Me

Back in January of 2009, on a freezing cold day in NYC, I did background work on 30 ROCK, episode 315. I wore lots of green and looked unusually frumpy. It was a restaurant scene at Barney Greengrass. I played an Upper West Side Jewish woman (why'd they cast ME in that role?) who sat in the restaurant and drank black cherry soda. Also, I was pushing my way around at the counter. THAT was a stretch, because I was actually repulsed by the fish heads staring at me through the glass. Good thing I'm such a fine actress. Tina Fey was in the scene with JON HAMM!!!!! (of MAD MEN) - I didn't know which one to be more excited about until I saw Jon light up a cigarette while on a break, so he's off my list. (For those who don't know, at the time, he was the longtime partner of writer-actress Jennifer Westfeldt -- Rabbi Marshall Meyer's great - or is it grand? - niece.) While we were there, the cast & crew learned that the show was picked up for a 4th Season. Everybody cheered and then we went back to the kippers and sturgeon. Except for me, because I'm a vegetarian. SPOILER ALERT: The scenes were pretty funny, since the character that Hamm played got so many breaks just for being handsome. NAME-DROPPING ALERT: It was reunion time on set -- many of our actor friends - Peter Samuel, Rich Rothbell, Doug Shapiro - and NEW actor friends - Ashley Brooke Adelman and Leonid Citer. Turns out, Leonard worked for Olympia Dukakis & Louis Zorich in in the house where my sisters and I used to babysit for their kids. Just another small "Born in Defiance" world. Apparently Citer is Russian, but I don't believe it because when I sang him that old Russian folksong, Achi Vo Pachi Mu Eeniznayu sam, he didn't recognize it. Maybe it was my accent.

A few weeks ago, a friend called and said that she was walking by Barney Greengrass and in the window there were photos of Tina Fey and others from the day they shot 30 ROCK there. I ran over and sure enough, my little head is in the window of Barney Greengrass, in profile, facing the deli counter. So, I'm kinda famous at Barney Greengrass, the STURGEON KING. It's a start.

Note: In the accompanying photo (30 Rock - THE BUBBLE episode) I'm all the way to the left, in the green sweater, w/ a black cherry soda. I'm in other scenes in a green coat at the deli counter, but mostly you just see the back of my head.

Addendum: While in the deli, I was hoping I could sneak in a line and get upgraded to Principal on the show. The first line that got me into the actors union in the first place was on a soap opera. The scene was a coffee shop. I had to say to the character played by Darnell Williams, "Can I get a warm up over here please?" This began my life as a bad actor because when the Production Assistant gave me the cue to say my line, I thought he was giving me the cue to get up and walk somewhere so there I was, walking across the set, with just dead air, costing the network how many hundreds of dollars in wasted tape? By the way, I had to wear upscale clothes but nothing I had in my closet seemed right so Julie Flanders, of October Project, loaned me a purple jacket. This was also the beginning of my name-dropping ways.

Two Funnies

The other night I was eating in a new Indian restaurant in NYC with my sister and her husband. I was complimenting the samosas and said, "that was really good dough." My funny brother-in-law responded, "I've been waiting for good dough." I replied, "I've been waiting for Godot to leave."

Later, we were talking about the Liberace Museum in Las Vegas and I accidentally said, that was his "Came to Flame."

The Fear of String

An audition experience, or how my career in bad acting began

I called up my friend whose mother was a casting director and told her that I decided to be an actress so if her mom had any positions available could she please keep me in mind. A few days later, her mom called and said she had a Blue Cross HMO radio spot, could I come in and audition that day? I was working a temp job but said yes, if I could come during my lunch hour and she said okay, just have them buzz her when I got there.

So I got to the studio and there were about a quazillion people lining the halls, professional actors who had done many commercials, reading sides, and I got to go right in, ahead of them all. I had to say these lines like "something-o-phobia, fear of meteors...blahblah-o-phobia, fear of string...HMO phobia..." and it was all about silly fears. Well, I was so bad, my friend's mom kept giving me line readings -- (very professionally) "the fear of string" and I’d go (very fake sounding) "fear of string" and she'd go no, no, no, "the fear of string" and it went like that for around 25 minutes.

Finally, she just recorded whatever and then told me that she mostly casts men for voiceovers, but she'd call me if anything came up. It was her way of being nice about my terrible voiceover audition.

I left, relieved that I no longer had to pursue an acting career. Besides, I couldn't stand the thought of having to wait with all those other people.

The next day I got a call from my friend's mom - that the client liked it, I'd gotten the job! I only had one line to say...THE FEAR OF STRING!

So I went into the recording studio and saw this professional Broadway actress that I knew from LES MISÉRABLES and she was going to be the narrator of the commercial. She had lots of lines, including all the (very deep and sexy) "la-da-da-phobia" lines. So I was excited and they called her in first. About 5 minutes later she came out, smiling and chatting with the director and he invited her to come back the next day to do the tv spot, too.

Then I went in and they asked me to say my line very timidly, maybe like Woody Allen. So I said, "f-f-f-ear of of of of st-string" and they said please don't stutter. So then I just said (fake sounding & going up high on "string") the fear of string. So they started giving me line readings and again it was "the fear of string" (perfectly) and "the fear of string" (badly).

They tried having me shout it out in a total state of terror: THE FEAR OF STRING! so I did that and then they said to say it that exact same way but quieter. But again it was (mousy) "the fear of string."

Finally, in total frustration, the director came into the sound booth, put his arm around me, picked up a piece of thread from the carpeting and said, "this is string. But it's the scariest thing you've ever seen. It's a snake." And I'm thinking, it's a piece of rug, and I'm beginning to feel like Morales in A CHORUS LINE.

After about 25 minutes on this one line, I finally left and they figured they'd be able to get something out of it.

A week later, my sister called me and said that I just woke her up on the radio! There was a very strange nonsensical and inarticulate ad and suddenly in the middle of it she heard me shouting THE FEAR OF STRING! I heard it later, too, and it was the funniest thing we'd ever heard.

And I knew I was born to say that line!

High School Reunion

The "ALL-CLASSES" reunion for Montclair High was kind of disappointing, but nice for what it was. Hope you Bulldogs (AY-YAH!) enjoy these photos. They only had sizes 3X and 4X left in the tee-shirts so I'm sending it to you-know-who in Vermont to wear as a comfy nightdress. Basically, four people showed up from our class (at least for the two hours that we were there). BUT, it was a BEAUTIFUL day and put me back in nature, swatting at revolting insects. Plus, I ate a fried Oreo for the first (and last) delicious but fattening time. It was the only vegetarian food available on-site. Blogging out now.

Brüno aka Brueno Gehard

Finally saw BRUNO at a private screening (for the gays and lesbians of Time Warner, but I was the invited guest of my ex-boyfriend). Here's a little-known biographical fact that wasn't in the film: "Bruno's mother was murdered by his father, who before being jailed was a prominent cuckoo clock beak maker in Schleswig-Holstein." (Ironic, given that the final scene of THE SOPRANOS was filmed at Holstein's in Bloomfield, NJ. Coincidence? I don't think so.)

Sweepy Time Gal

Hello folks - I was told by the production personnel that this blog violated a confidentiality agreement so I'm taking it down. Sorry, everybody. I would have thought they would have enjoyed the positive advertising, but, alas, I will no longer be writing on the internet about my experiences as a background performer.