Born in Defiance - EB's Blog

Art Imitates Life

2011-07-11T09:05:00.000-07:00

On Saturday, I was at a UN rally celebrating the independence of South Sudan and protesting the continuing genocides in other parts of Sudan (Darfur, Abyei, Nuba and South Kordofan and Blue Nile regions). On Sunday, I was a background actor portraying an aging hippie protestor at a UN rally. Art imitates life.

2010-11-30T14:29:00.000-08:00

Now that it closed, I can tell this story. The night I saw the Broadway play, ELLING, there's a scene where Kjell Bjarne (Brendan Fraser) comes out in underwear and asks Elling (Denis O'Hare), "How do I look?" Before Elling could reply, a lady in the audience shouted "AWESOME." 5 minutes of laughter ensued before Denis said his line, "Rare." MORE laughter. "As in Uncommon."

Salvation

2010-07-26T09:32:00.000-07:00

I was dining at the Cafe Edison in NYC with some producers and playwrights and someone mentioned that there's a 99-seat theatre at the Salvation Army in midtown. Our waiter said he was part of that - and we said Salvation Army? And he said OH - I thought you said South Asian Army. Turns out he was from Bangladesh!

Everybody Ought To Have A Maid

2010-04-14T13:53:00.001-07:00

I've been cast at least 3 times in my life as a maid - once in the theatre, once in the movies, and once on TV. Just cleaning all the bases. On one show, they gave me a blue featherduster. They called it "Marge" because of its uncanny likeness to Marge Simpson.

So much for thinking that "the butler did it." I'd actually be a terrible servant - too clumsy. But happy to play one on TV.

For one shoot, I had to really dust the Brooklyn brownstone we were in, owned by a financial executive. It was super dirty. I should have asked for extra "housekeeping" pay, but at least I got free candy, which more than made up for it.

WORKING CLASS AND OLD LACES

2010-02-11T13:42:00.000-08:00

I had a really funny blog up here but the people at the production company said the photos violated a confidentiality agreement so I had to take it down. Sorry folks. I guess I won't be giving you an inside look on being an extra any more. I thought they'd be happy for the free advertising, but, alas, St. Gertrude, patron saint of souls in purgatory and living sinners, was not on my side after all. As Jersey Shore's Snooki might say of her 1920's boardwalk predecessors, "Waaah."

MY DINNER w/ WALLACE (or OH MY ACHING DAWGS, AGAIN)

2010-01-28T13:46:00.000-08:00

Which of your favorite Libran monkey background divas was seen recently on the set of a certain “upper east side” TV show and involved in, shall we say, a wedding plotline of a certain Eastern European nature? xoxo, GOSSIP GIRL

Here’s one clue - a photo of all the accessories that the hair department used to get my hair up ready for the big scene. I do look like a monkey from the back, but the front is oh-so-chic. I wore shoes that I THOUGHT were comfortable but after 14 hours of dancing, endless ballroom crossing and standing, even Hush Puppies would aggravate my bunyons.

And, despite the characters they play on the show EVERYBODY was really nice and not at all bitchy. Blair, played by Leighton Meester (for some reason, I always call her “Keester” in my head) was especially funny with her castmates when off-camera. She was particularly playful with Wallace Shawn & Margaret Colin since they were all laughing and laughing. I tried to hear what they were saying but only heard snippets. During one scene, I was standing behind “Keester” and she had this GORGEOUS gold-toned dress on with a mesh top. There was one hair stuck on her back under the mesh (like when you get toilet paper or Kleenex or a dustball stuck in your pantyhose) and it was driving me crazy looking at it, but I couldn’t say anything because the background is not allowed to talk to the principals (even though some people break that rule and seem to get away with it! No fair!). When the scene started, Leighton turned around to face us and on cue, started crying. HOW DID SHE DO THAT??!! What deep childhood wound did she summon up to get her to the point of tears when seconds earlier, she was laughing? Guess I’ll never know and guess all those classes at HB Studios were totally wasted on me.

Right before the actual taping of a show, somebody is hired to shout “last looks” and all the hair, wardrobe and makeup people come running onto the set to make sure everybody looks right. One time, the hair lady was fixing “Blair’s” long flowing locks and then Leighton started futzing with the hair lady’s hair. I don’t think anybody else noticed but I thought it was HAIR-LARIOUS.

And, since we were at the Party Mecca of the World - a big ol’ wedding hall - there were chandeliers and pianos everywhere – on the roof of the building, in the ballrooms, in the lobby, wherever you looked - but then there were mirrors everywhere, too, so maybe it was just one piano. Anyway, Penn Badgley (aka Dan Humphrey) took several opportunities to play jazz during his breaks. He’s really talented. But again, couldn’t talk to him or I’d get kicked off set forever. RRRGGGG. So hard to hold my tongue. So I’m standing in the lobby, with the tween heartthrob of the world playing the piano right near me and there’s nothing I can do. I was talking to my friend Rachel, who was reading her phone messages, and realized that my cellphone had accidentally been on “record” - we were on break so it’s okay to have your phone there but NEVER EVER bring a cell to set and NEVER film or photograph anyone without their permission. Anyway, though I can’t ever prove it, here you can hear Penn’s music in the background. I pretty much just got Rachel’s feet and my face upside down, but it was really all about Penn and me.

During the wedding ceremony, they were trying out different ethnic music to play and songs would come in over the loudspeaker. The lead actors were sitting among us. Penn was sitting with Chase Crawford (aka Nate Archibald) and they were joking around a lot. When the music came on, Chase jokingly suggested they play TIK TOK by Ke$ha. It was just a little side remark but I thought it was the funniest thing I'd ever heard. I LOVE THAT SONG.

Don't stop, make it pop DJ, blow my speakers up
Tonight, Imma fight Till we see the sunlight
Tick tock, on the clock But the party don't stop,no Woah-oh oh oh Woah-oh oh oh
Ain't got a care in world, but got plenty of beer Ain't got no money in my pocket, but I'm already here And now the dudes are lining up cause they hear we got swagger But we kick em to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger
I'm talking about - everybody getting crunk, crunk Boys trying to touch my junk, junk Gonna smack him if he getting too drunk, drunk...

At lunchtime, wardrobe offered us plastic ponchos to wear to cover our posh outfits so that we wouldn’t spill on them. I readily took my blue poncho and put it on, thinking everybody would do the same, but NO-OOO. Everybody else just put on a coat or sweater and ate like a normal person instead of a giant, living, walking garbage bag. The only other person who took one was John, who played the Orthodox Priest. He was in fancy schmancy brocaded clergy vestments and Epitrachelions. He, at least, had a tasteful yellow poncho and he pulled it off quite well. The second day on set, I wore my raincoat to lunch and felt like I’d evolved slightly in a fashion sense. Now THAT’S something to write home about. Wallace Shawn was sitting at the table right behind me and I kept trying to hear whatever wisdom he was doling out but people around me kept talking too loudly. SHHHHHHH! I swear, though, that every time I passed Wally on set, our eyes met and subliminal profundities were being exchanged. Or maybe not. Maybe I am just a wishful thinker.

Sometimes, doing background work is like speed dating. In one scene, you’re paired up with one partner, and in the next scene you’re with another, then another. No continuity, but lots of variety. Here I was with numerous partners – tall/short, moustached/clean-shaven, delicately fragrant/stinky, Greek/Philadelphian, SAG union/non-union, etc. But one thing for sure, in human nature, people just can’t shut the heck up. When they’re setting up the shot, the Director and A.D. and lighting and sound teams need to communicate with each other. The A.D. had to say 1000 times to the 125 extras, STOP TALKING. Some people would just be quiet for a minute and then they’d start talking again! It was amazing to me. And it wasn’t like they were saying anything important, just stuff like “have you done this show before?” “I’ve never watched Gossip Girl, do you like my heels, do you like oyster, who’s that character, is he famous?” etc. It’s not like they were solving the Darfur genocide issue or illuminating exactly what happens after we die - just chit chat and they wouldn’t shut up. SHHHHHHH!!!!

During the reception, we were supposed to be drunk and I was weaving my way through the dance floor with my fourth “date” of the night. I was passing a group of teens that actually had lines in the scene and may have included Penn B plus the character of Eric Van Der Woodsen (Serena’s brother, played by Connor Paolo. If it were him, he’s really short - kind of in indirect proportion to Chuck Bass or, rather, Ed Westwick's head, which looks really big!) when all of a sudden, I felt an irresistible force meeting my drunken swagger and I’m pretty sure that one of the boys in the posse TRIPPED on my FOOT. HOLY CRAP! I was too mortified to even look back to see who it was. Maybe if I didn’t actually see it, then it didn’t happen, even though it’s probably on TAPE for all times!

At the end of the long, exhausting day, the Director (the delightful Janice Cooke) was so happy with us that she started a chant, “When I say bad, you say...” “ASS!!!” Bad-ASS - Bad - ASS!! SHHHHHHHHH! xoxo, GG

Out of Season

2010-01-10T11:08:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago, they filmed the FX TV show, DAMAGES (starring Glenn Close) ON my street, but did they call me to work on it then? No, of course not. They called me to work on it when we had to trek to the Long Island hamlet of Melville on the day after a HUGE blizzard. We met the courtesy van that would take us to our fake destination of Antigua on the same east side corner in Manhattan where I met the van for BOARDWALK EMPIRE (see my earlier blog). The driver proceeded to get totally lost so a 45-minute drive turned into a 1.5 hour drive. I could have flown to Washington, DC or Burlington, VT in that time, or the ACTUAL Antigua. Did I mention that it was a summer scene shot in the dead of winter, only 21 degrees outside, in Melville, Long Island?

Once we arrived and traversed the icy path to the "Bank of Antigua," it was well worth the effort. As we entered this financial institution in Long Island, right behind the reception desk was a huge floor-to-ceiling indoor aquarium, filled with stingrays and exotic fish and crustaceans that I couldn't have identified in a million years if you paid me, which they did. But since it was an actual bank office, it was like working in Fort Knox. We had to be escorted everywhere, including the bathrooms. Like I was going to steal a fish.

Now, as an extra, while you're not required to bring a change of costume (unless they tell you to and then you get paid more for it) it always behooves one to bring multiple options to keep the wardrobe department happy. In all these years, I still haven't learned to cut down on what I bring, so from my backpack & garment bag with enough clothing to Eurail around Europe for a decade, they picked out a lovely little gold & white outfit that I had bought at a 42nd Street crafts mall, since knocked down to make way for DubaiWorld, or some such thing.

While practicing walking back and forth across the bank in my wrinkled yet festive summer outfit, I was pulled aside by one of the Production Assistants and asked if I would be a stand-in for "the banker," played by Cordelia Reynolds. I said yes, since you get more money for being a stand-in. So, I looked to see the person I'd be standing in for and she was about a fraction of my age, a 16th of my size, blonde, skinny as a rail and 8 feet tall in heels. She's like the cheerleader and I'm like the clarinet player in the marching band (which I really was). Still, don't blame me when the greenscreen image is thrown off!

Had I known that by stand-in, they literally meant STANDING in...! We were on our feet for ages. At one point, I was so tired and so hungry and craft services brought around chili sandwiches for the crew. But I'm a vegetarian! Next thing you know, they're bringing around a tray of tofu chili. Yay! Now, try eating THAT standing up in an actual bank with a camera right on you. Let's just say that all elegance went out the window as I tried to daintily eat a friggin' chili sandwich. I turned around for a second and caught a glimpse of myself in the camera monitor and it was a closeup of my sandwich in my nail-bitten hands and it was crumbling all over the place. Everybody else had finished theirs already and they were ready to shoot again. I had to throw the rest of it out but at least it got me through the next segment of the shoot.

After the shot was set up with the stand-ins, they brought in the "First Team," the principal players. I was sent back to be background again. The P.A. told me that on my cue, I should walk up to the desk of the bank, but then he changed his mind and said to walk around the side instead. They shouted "background action," and for some reason, in my delirious state, I walked up to the desk of the bank. CUT!!! (Did I not tell you that I'm the worst actress ever?) They then send me OUTSIDE the bank, in the actual cold in my little gold and white outfit, and the P.A. signals me to walk in right after Tate Donovan's character walks in. (I tell everyone he dated Jennifer Aniston, but I think maybe that was just her character on FRIENDS. This is how rumors start.) Everybody else has a coat outside but I just have a big wool sweater to throw on between shots, a sweater that was given to me by my roommate after our Amsterdam Avenue apartment was burned down by a junky freebasing cocaine, back in the day. So Tate says something to me like, aren't you cold? I act all cool and say, nah, I'm in menopause so the hot flashes are keeping me warm. He says that he is, too.

I do have to say, the crew was especially nice and the director, Glenn Kessler, had the patience of a saint. One of the long-term stand-ins, Janine, I'd met once before when she first taught me the art of "standing-in," on the set of Law & Order, many years ago. She kept me from being a total moron, as best she could. The other background players were an interesting assortment of folks, including someone named King, playing a beach-goer, who walked around in an American flag robe all day, while off-set, and in goggles, while waiting to roll. I asked if he just had one name, like Charo, and he said his last name was Hollywood. King Hollywood. Right. It was a long but fun day, for which I got extra pay for wearing wardrobe out of season. But at the end of the day, I still don't know if you say Antig-wa or Antig-ah.

READ ALL ABOUT IT!

2009-12-30T13:54:00.000-08:00

I suppose you’re wondering why I even do background work, given my myriad other sets of skills. Simple. It’s because you get paid to eat candy. Plus, you get to meet people that you would never meet under any other circumstance, both celebrities and regular folk. For example, in NYC in 2002, while filming HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS, the production assistant announced that we would have a half-hour for a walk away lunch. On set, they either have to provide a catered meal or you get a “walk away” where you go out and get your own lunch somewhere in the ‘hood. Upon hearing the “walk away lunch” announcement, I immediately started singing, “don’t walk away Renee....” Another actor who happened to be walking by me said, “what did you just say???” I repeated the line and explained that it was a walk away lunch, so I was singing Walk Away Renee. He told me that I had the lyrics wrong, that it wasn’t DON’T walk away, but JUST walk away and that he was in the original band that sang the song!!! He was in the LEFT BANKE! He and his wife were doing extra work now. He went on to tell me that Renee supplied drugs to the boys in the band and that the band’s manager, the father of a band member, hated Renee because of the drugs, and if the father had been in the studio and Renee showed up, he’d point to the door and say “JUST WALK AWAY, RENEE! JUST WALK AWAY!” So all this time, I thought the song was a dreamy love song and it turns out it was a “go-away-drug-pusher” song!
I checked the internet and it seems that the real Renee was the girlfriend of one band member, but the muse of another, and is now a respectable voice teacher, running an opera company in San Francisco. I was wondering why all those Northern California opera singers were walking around like dope fiends. Here are photos of me walking to set and walking away by the film's grips.

See Me, Feel Me

2009-11-16T10:50:00.000-08:00

I just sent an email to a professional theatre company about a play I'd like to present in their space. At the end, instead of putting "Please feel free to contact me at any time for additional information...," I put, "Please feel me at any time...." OMG. I can't undo it now. Too bad I'm not doing TOMMY, the musical. Or The Deep Throat Sex Scandal, the play that's opening off-Broadway in 2010. At least then it would make sense. Oh well. The trials and tribulations of multi-tasking.

Do You Sing?

2009-10-23T07:48:00.000-07:00

What part of "please don't give me a prop" do production personnel not understand? I was hired to do background work onTHE ADJUSTMENT BUREAU starring Matt Damon as a guy running for NY Senate. I was positioned to play a press photographer and the props department gave me a big still camera and a press pass that actually had a photo of
a guy on it, and it was signed, "Jimi Hendrix." I guess I do look a little bit like a drug-addicted guitar player. Remind me to put that on my resume. Anyway, we were working out on the Brooklyn waterfront for hours on end, so of course my back started aching from carrying the camera (how is it that photographers don't all look like Quasimodo - does that name ring a bell? hahaha). During the scene, I had to push my way up to the front of the podium and take photos of Matt (aka David Norris) as he was making an important speech. My job was to turn the camera on, look through the viewfinder (which was mostly just black because it was an old broken film camera) and then click the shutter button. Then I got fancy and turned the camera sideways and took a couple more photos. After the first take, the production assistant told me that I shouldn't take so many pictures, that I looked fake. FAKE! I looked like a fake photographer? Me -- who takes a gazillion photos every day???. Anyway, do THESE pictures look fake? Just please don't give me a prop, ever ever ever. No matter what I do, it's always just wrong.

During the short breaks between some shots, some of the other actors asked Matt if he'd take their picture with them. He was very sweet and said ok. I thought, that is SO unprofessional of them to ask, but of course I totally wanted to do the same. Instead, I asked Matt Damon if he sang. He said "not well". After a moment of dead, awkward silence, people started laughing and I said, "well, that put an end to THAT conversation. I produce musicals." Another actor pointed out that "not singing well has not stopped many people from doing Broadway musicals anyway." Later, I learned that Matt actually does sing quite well and he was just being humble, so now I'm mad that I didn't pursue it further. I mean, crap, if Hugh Jackman can do a Broadway show, why not Matt Damon. What a coup that would have been. But could I really have worked closely with a Red Sox fan? I don't know. Sour grapes.

During the shoot, there were lots of helicopters flying overhead, including Marine One (it was one of the two green helicopters we saw or one of the decoys carrying President Obama). Obama was in town to raise money for the Democrats and to hit the campaign trail in support of Jon Corzine. Matt and everybody started waving up at the helicopters and someone with an American flag in our crowd started waving it, too. It was very patriotic, and I hope it was all caught on film. I'm back on the Obama bandwagon, as long as he starts implementing his Sudan policies and doesn't just speak empty rhetoric.

During a short break, photos were taken of two friends (George & Larry) and me on the set, sans Matt Damon. One of them was wearing a bandana. I said, "what are you, a pirate?" It was a smart actor-y move, though, because at least he'll be able to find himself in those aerial shots, not just another sun-burnt head in the crowd.

The next night, I attended a Screen Actors Guild (SAG) Foundation "Conversations" with Jane Krakowski, Jack McBrayer and Jennifer McNamara-Shroff (casting director) from 30 ROCK. Yes - I wore my Tina Fey glasses. Anyway, afterwards, I asked Jack McBrayer if he could sing. He said that he did musicals in high school but was not really a singer and that I should talk to Jane, because, of course she does Broadway.

Clearly, my two attempts this week to obtain stars for my projects failed miserably.

The NEXT day, I was hired to be a second-unit extra for the Will Ferrell/Mark Wahlberg movie, THE OTHER GUYS. I was deep, deep background, a dot in the distance, as they filmed stunt guys literally jumping off of high buildings in NYC and landing at a getaway truck. It was thrilling but 9 hours of standing on cement and eating Goldenberg's Peanut Chews (oh wait - they don't call them that any more! They're now Chew-ets. Whaddup with that?) at my age is probably not so healthy. I was just grateful that they didn't make me use a prop.

Many photos are attached so enjoy living vicariously. xoxo, Ei

MY YOM KIPPUR BLOG

2009-10-01T10:25:00.000-07:00

I was sitting at Yom Kippur services with Tovah Feldshuh and her son, Brandon, and JERRY SEINFELD and his family SAT RIGHT BEHIND US!! I couldn't really fully concentrate. I kept thinking - what's HE thinking? "What's with all this shofar blowing....?" or "What's with all the standing and sitting and standing and sitting...." So, now I have to atone for not really atoning. At least it made up for the fact that I couldn't eat my birthday cake until after sundown. Oh yeah, and we were at the Creflo Dollar Church because our synagogue is too small to accommodate everybody so we had to rent bigger spaces for the High Holidays. On the wall is engraved a quote from Matthew, something like: "Cure the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the lepers, cast out the demons." I felt as if I were in an episode of TRU BLOOD.
I wonder if Jerry went home and emailed everyone he knows..."Guess what! I sat behind 'Woman at Yom Kippur' at Yom Kippur!" (Yeah - I played "Woman at Yom Kippur" in a movie. My one IMDB credit.) SHANA TOVAH!
xoxo, WAYK AYK

Rosemary

2009-09-22T07:11:00.000-07:00

In sharing my "being dissed by Brooke Shields in an elevator" story, I was reminded of the time that my friend, David, was in an elevator in his theatre-district apartment building. An elderly woman in a black floor-length gown was also in the elevator. David asked her if she was going to the theatre. She said yes - that she worked there. He asked if she were an usher. She graciously said no. They exited and went their separate ways. He then went to pick up his tickets for LOST IN YONKERS and realized that the woman was Rosemary Harris. (She really should stop dressing like an usherette.) By the way - that's Cliff Robertston in the photo, not David.

NICHOLAS KRISTOF, A SHORT WAKE, AND ME

2009-09-15T13:13:00.000-07:00

OH YEAH - AND BROOKE SHIELDS, TOO.

So last week I went to a benefit for Ruth Messinger's AJWS honoring NICHOLAS KRISTOF of the NY Times & his new book HALF THE SKY and the HBO film REPORTER, which follows Nick on his research into Congo. Afterwards, I'm getting my book signed and I handed Nicholas a list of actions that people can take to help DARFUR & my business card & a postcard about A SHORT WAKE, by Derek Murphy, the show I'm co-producing. So here's a photo of me getting my book signed and I notice that the postcard is in the picture. I have got to be the best self-promoter ever.

Then I went to a reading of the new musical, EMPIRE, about the history of the Empire State Building, and I was in a tiny little elevator in midtown with a theatre general manager friend and BROOKE SHIELDS!!! I didn't know whether to give her my Darfur action list, my show postcard, my headshot, ask her if I can be a stand-in for her (since we're the same height if I were to wear 3-inch heels - and, by the way, I do know how to say "I prefer high heels" in Croatian, but that's a whole other story), ask her if she liked EMPIRE, or what. So just as I turned to look at her and ask her a question, any question, she turns and looks at the back wall, so I knew she didn't want me to say anything to her. Turning around to face the back in a 2' x 3' elevator is universal language for leave me the f*#k alone you producer/actor/activist/writer/researcher. Later, when I told the general manager that I froze in front of Brooke Shields, he said he didn't even realize she was in the elevator with us!!!! And I thought I was kicking MYself.

Crocodile Tears/Butterfly Effect, part 2 (of 1)

2009-08-25T09:11:00.001-07:00

So I got called to audition as a gorilla scientist for THE ONION. They're going to be filming an internet production of a fake interview. I couldn't be more perfect, right? I look the part. But who knew that my bad acting was even TOO BAD FOR THE ONION!!! I was told to read the copy as a serious scientist, so I just read it straight, trying to sound blandish like Ben Stein or Stephen Colbert. But after the first read-through, the director says, could you read it now with NO emotion, please. NO EMOTION. I had just made myself completely devoid of any feeling and they still thought I was over-emoting. OMG, Gus. (I don't know who Gus is, but I had a dream last night that I started a publishing company called "OH MY GOD, GUS.") What the hey?

I also did a day of background work on UGLY BETTY. I was a pedestrian outside the WOOLWORTH'S BUILDING in NYC. (FYI, Woolworth's was my favorite store of all times. I even wrote and recorded a farewell song to the store when it finally closed, and I bought the Woolworth's Lip Balm display from my local Woolworth's store.) But I digress. This story is to say that I guess I should consider myself the Jewish Ugly (Uchly) Betty because they had me in some schmatte but, luckily, I never got on set in that outfit. However, in another scene I was walking behind Vanessa Williams as she exited "Meade Enterprises." Vanessa was to walk up the street in like 10-inch heels and a tight yellow designer dress. Not too shabby. Unlike me, in a black tank & green safari skirt. Oh wait - that's the outfit I also wore for my Gorilla Scientist audition. Anyway, once up the street, Vanessa would stop and talk to a character played by Piter Marek, then look at the camera with a conspiratorial grin. After a number of takes, we are down to the last 20 seconds of the shot and this cheery middle-aged Hispanic woman standing on the side, watching the action with other tourists, shouted out "HI, VANESSA!!!" The p.a.s went ballistic - "Lady, you just ruined the shot!" The lady apologized, but probably thought it was pretty funny, and it was, actually. Then, we shot it again and THIS time, an elderly woman in a bright, bright, pink top wandered into the scene, right behind Vanessa and Piter and just stood there, oblivious that anything was even being filmed, turning a 2-shot into a 3-shot. For once, I was glad it wasn't me causing the ruination of the shot. But you can look for the episode this coming season – it’s called THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT, Part 2.

While in the holding area for BETTY, a model/singer/actor/bicyclist named Michael was playing chess with another biker extra and started talking about his band and how he was going to change his band's name, but had to get the rights to it. I asked him what his band's name was going to be and he said it was in flux. I thought that was the name of the band. Michael In Flux. But it wasn't. He wouldn't say, until he gets the rights. I think he should call it, Oh My God, Gus.

I'm Going to Be on the Street with a Tin Can Soon

2009-08-10T11:57:00.000-07:00

The continuing saga of EB's quest for Employment.
I fear the job search is not going well at all. Lisa, a childhood friend who produces commercials, recommended me highly to a casting director who casts commercials and industrials. They called me right away for an audition for an industrial to promote a new inhaler. I thought they were just going to be doing still shots but they videotaped a whole sequence of actions with the inhaler. We were supposed to make it look easy to use but I kept holding it wrong and nearly dropping it. It was huge and I'm so spastic. If I knew it was going to be choreographed, I might not have gone in for it - one fleeting look at my dancing and you'd know. Afterwards, I went to the Actors Fund to sign up for their work program and I saw in the mirror that I had a blob of mascara on my forehead!!!!! I am the worst actor ever known to mankind - you would think they could find a niche for me SOMEWHERE. (In any case, how often does one get to write, "It was huge and I'm so spastic"?) I feel so bad for Lisa - now they won't trust her ever again. Since my acting career was now in great question, I signed up to be a Census Worker and had to take a test to be eligible. I asked the person who called to schedule me what I'm supposed to wear - and she said, anything except pajamas. Now I have nothing to wear! The real reason I liked working freelance was that I could do it from home and stay in my pj's all day long. Well, that and the money. Damn. But I did take the test and I did get a 98.

30 Rock, Barney Greengrass and Me

2009-08-10T11:23:00.000-07:00

Back in January of 2009, on a freezing cold day in NYC, I did background work on 30 ROCK, episode 315. I wore lots of green and looked unusually frumpy. It was a restaurant scene at Barney Greengrass. I played an Upper West Side Jewish woman (why'd they cast ME in that role?) who sat in the restaurant and drank black cherry soda. Also, I was pushing my way around at the counter. THAT was a stretch, because I was actually repulsed by the fish heads staring at me through the glass. Good thing I'm such a fine actress. Tina Fey was in the scene with JON HAMM!!!!! (of MAD MEN) - I didn't know which one to be more excited about until I saw Jon light up a cigarette while on a break, so he's off my list. (For those who don't know, at the time, he was the longtime partner of writer-actress Jennifer Westfeldt -- Rabbi Marshall Meyer's great - or is it grand? - niece.) While we were there, the cast & crew learned that the show was picked up for a 4th Season. Everybody cheered and then we went back to the kippers and sturgeon. Except for me, because I'm a vegetarian. SPOILER ALERT: The scenes were pretty funny, since the character that Hamm played got so many breaks just for being handsome. NAME-DROPPING ALERT: It was reunion time on set -- many of our actor friends - Peter Samuel, Rich Rothbell, Doug Shapiro - and NEW actor friends - Ashley Brooke Adelman and Leonid Citer. Turns out, Leonard worked for Olympia Dukakis & Louis Zorich in in the house where my sisters and I used to babysit for their kids. Just another small "Born in Defiance" world. Apparently Citer is Russian, but I don't believe it because when I sang him that old Russian folksong, Achi Vo Pachi Mu Eeniznayu sam, he didn't recognize it. Maybe it was my accent.

A few weeks ago, a friend called and said that she was walking by Barney Greengrass and in the window there were photos of Tina Fey and others from the day they shot 30 ROCK there. I ran over and sure enough, my little head is in the window of Barney Greengrass, in profile, facing the deli counter. So, I'm kinda famous at Barney Greengrass, the STURGEON KING. It's a start.

Note: In the accompanying photo (30 Rock - THE BUBBLE episode) I'm all the way to the left, in the green sweater, w/ a black cherry soda. I'm in other scenes in a green coat at the deli counter, but mostly you just see the back of my head.

Addendum: While in the deli, I was hoping I could sneak in a line and get upgraded to Principal on the show. The first line that got me into the actors union in the first place was on a soap opera. The scene was a coffee shop. I had to say to the character played by Darnell Williams, "Can I get a warm up over here please?" This began my life as a bad actor because when the Production Assistant gave me the cue to say my line, I thought he was giving me the cue to get up and walk somewhere so there I was, walking across the set, with just dead air, costing the network how many hundreds of dollars in wasted tape? By the way, I had to wear upscale clothes but nothing I had in my closet seemed right so Julie Flanders, of October Project, loaned me a purple jacket. This was also the beginning of my name-dropping ways.

Two Funnies

2009-08-01T19:29:00.000-07:00

The other night I was eating in a new Indian restaurant in NYC with my sister and her husband. I was complimenting the samosas and said, "that was really good dough." My funny brother-in-law responded, "I've been waiting for good dough." I replied, "I've been waiting for Godot to leave."

Later, we were talking about the Liberace Museum in Las Vegas and I accidentally said, that was his "Came to Flame."

The Fear of String

2009-07-28T16:00:00.000-07:00

An audition experience, or how my career in bad acting began

I called up my friend whose mother was a casting director and told her that I decided to be an actress so if her mom had any positions available could she please keep me in mind. A few days later, her mom called and said she had a Blue Cross HMO radio spot, could I come in and audition that day? I was working a temp job but said yes, if I could come during my lunch hour and she said okay, just have them buzz her when I got there.

So I got to the studio and there were about a quazillion people lining the halls, professional actors who had done many commercials, reading sides, and I got to go right in, ahead of them all. I had to say these lines like "something-o-phobia, fear of meteors...blahblah-o-phobia, fear of string...HMO phobia..." and it was all about silly fears. Well, I was so bad, my friend's mom kept giving me line readings -- (very professionally) "the fear of string" and I’d go (very fake sounding) "fear of string" and she'd go no, no, no, "the fear of string" and it went like that for around 25 minutes.

Finally, she just recorded whatever and then told me that she mostly casts men for voiceovers, but she'd call me if anything came up. It was her way of being nice about my terrible voiceover audition.

I left, relieved that I no longer had to pursue an acting career. Besides, I couldn't stand the thought of having to wait with all those other people.

The next day I got a call from my friend's mom - that the client liked it, I'd gotten the job! I only had one line to say...THE FEAR OF STRING!

So I went into the recording studio and saw this professional Broadway actress that I knew from LES MISÉRABLES and she was going to be the narrator of the commercial. She had lots of lines, including all the (very deep and sexy) "la-da-da-phobia" lines. So I was excited and they called her in first. About 5 minutes later she came out, smiling and chatting with the director and he invited her to come back the next day to do the tv spot, too.

Then I went in and they asked me to say my line very timidly, maybe like Woody Allen. So I said, "f-f-f-ear of of of of st-string" and they said please don't stutter. So then I just said (fake sounding & going up high on "string") the fear of string. So they started giving me line readings and again it was "the fear of string" (perfectly) and "the fear of string" (badly).

They tried having me shout it out in a total state of terror: THE FEAR OF STRING! so I did that and then they said to say it that exact same way but quieter. But again it was (mousy) "the fear of string."

Finally, in total frustration, the director came into the sound booth, put his arm around me, picked up a piece of thread from the carpeting and said, "this is string. But it's the scariest thing you've ever seen. It's a snake." And I'm thinking, it's a piece of rug, and I'm beginning to feel like Morales in A CHORUS LINE.

After about 25 minutes on this one line, I finally left and they figured they'd be able to get something out of it.

A week later, my sister called me and said that I just woke her up on the radio! There was a very strange nonsensical and inarticulate ad and suddenly in the middle of it she heard me shouting THE FEAR OF STRING! I heard it later, too, and it was the funniest thing we'd ever heard.

And I knew I was born to say that line!

High School Reunion

2009-07-19T12:27:00.001-07:00

The "ALL-CLASSES" reunion for Montclair High was kind of disappointing, but nice for what it was. Hope you Bulldogs (AY-YAH!) enjoy these photos. They only had sizes 3X and 4X left in the tee-shirts so I'm sending it to you-know-who in Vermont to wear as a comfy nightdress. Basically, four people showed up from our class (at least for the two hours that we were there). BUT, it was a BEAUTIFUL day and put me back in nature, swatting at revolting insects. Plus, I ate a fried Oreo for the first (and last) delicious but fattening time. It was the only vegetarian food available on-site. Blogging out now.

Brüno aka Brueno Gehard

2009-07-16T08:41:00.000-07:00

Finally saw BRUNO at a private screening (for the gays and lesbians of Time Warner, but I was the invited guest of my ex-boyfriend). Here's a little-known biographical fact that wasn't in the film: "Bruno's mother was murdered by his father, who before being jailed was a prominent cuckoo clock beak maker in Schleswig-Holstein." (Ironic, given that the final scene of THE SOPRANOS was filmed at Holstein's in Bloomfield, NJ. Coincidence? I don't think so.)

Sweepy Time Gal

2009-07-11T19:48:00.000-07:00

Hello folks - I was told by the production personnel that this blog violated a confidentiality agreement so I'm taking it down. Sorry, everybody. I would have thought they would have enjoyed the positive advertising, but, alas, I will no longer be writing on the internet about my experiences as a background performer.