MY DINNER w/ WALLACE (or OH MY ACHING DAWGS, AGAIN)

Which of your favorite Libran monkey background divas was seen recently on the set of a certain “upper east side” TV show and involved in, shall we say, a wedding plotline of a certain Eastern European nature? xoxo, GOSSIP GIRL



Here’s one clue - a photo of all the accessories that the hair department used to get my hair up ready for the big scene. I do look like a monkey from the back, but the front is oh-so-chic. I wore shoes that I THOUGHT were comfortable but after 14 hours of dancing, endless ballroom crossing and standing, even Hush Puppies would aggravate my bunyons.



And, despite the characters they play on the show EVERYBODY was really nice and not at all bitchy. Blair, played by Leighton Meester (for some reason, I always call her “Keester” in my head) was especially funny with her castmates when off-camera. She was particularly playful with Wallace Shawn & Margaret Colin since they were all laughing and laughing. I tried to hear what they were saying but only heard snippets. During one scene, I was standing behind “Keester” and she had this GORGEOUS gold-toned dress on with a mesh top. There was one hair stuck on her back under the mesh (like when you get toilet paper or Kleenex or a dustball stuck in your pantyhose) and it was driving me crazy looking at it, but I couldn’t say anything because the background is not allowed to talk to the principals (even though some people break that rule and seem to get away with it! No fair!). When the scene started, Leighton turned around to face us and on cue, started crying. HOW DID SHE DO THAT??!! What deep childhood wound did she summon up to get her to the point of tears when seconds earlier, she was laughing? Guess I’ll never know and guess all those classes at HB Studios were totally wasted on me.

Right before the actual taping of a show, somebody is hired to shout “last looks” and all the hair, wardrobe and makeup people come running onto the set to make sure everybody looks right. One time, the hair lady was fixing “Blair’s” long flowing locks and then Leighton started futzing with the hair lady’s hair. I don’t think anybody else noticed but I thought it was HAIR-LARIOUS.



And, since we were at the Party Mecca of the World - a big ol’ wedding hall - there were chandeliers and pianos everywhere – on the roof of the building, in the ballrooms, in the lobby, wherever you looked - but then there were mirrors everywhere, too, so maybe it was just one piano. Anyway, Penn Badgley (aka Dan Humphrey) took several opportunities to play jazz during his breaks. He’s really talented. But again, couldn’t talk to him or I’d get kicked off set forever. RRRGGGG. So hard to hold my tongue. So I’m standing in the lobby, with the tween heartthrob of the world playing the piano right near me and there’s nothing I can do. I was talking to my friend Rachel, who was reading her phone messages, and realized that my cellphone had accidentally been on “record” - we were on break so it’s okay to have your phone there but NEVER EVER bring a cell to set and NEVER film or photograph anyone without their permission. Anyway, though I can’t ever prove it, here you can hear Penn’s music in the background. I pretty much just got Rachel’s feet and my face upside down, but it was really all about Penn and me.

During the wedding ceremony, they were trying out different ethnic music to play and songs would come in over the loudspeaker. The lead actors were sitting among us. Penn was sitting with Chase Crawford (aka Nate Archibald) and they were joking around a lot. When the music came on, Chase jokingly suggested they play TIK TOK by Ke$ha. It was just a little side remark but I thought it was the funniest thing I'd ever heard. I LOVE THAT SONG.

Don't stop, make it pop DJ, blow my speakers up
Tonight, Imma fight Till we see the sunlight
Tick tock, on the clock But the party don't stop,no Woah-oh oh oh Woah-oh oh oh
Ain't got a care in world, but got plenty of beer Ain't got no money in my pocket, but I'm already here And now the dudes are lining up cause they hear we got swagger But we kick em to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger
I'm talking about - everybody getting crunk, crunk Boys trying to touch my junk, junk Gonna smack him if he getting too drunk, drunk...

At lunchtime, wardrobe offered us plastic ponchos to wear to cover our posh outfits so that we wouldn’t spill on them. I readily took my blue poncho and put it on, thinking everybody would do the same, but NO-OOO. Everybody else just put on a coat or sweater and ate like a normal person instead of a giant, living, walking garbage bag. The only other person who took one was John, who played the Orthodox Priest. He was in fancy schmancy brocaded clergy vestments and Epitrachelions. He, at least, had a tasteful yellow poncho and he pulled it off quite well. The second day on set, I wore my raincoat to lunch and felt like I’d evolved slightly in a fashion sense. Now THAT’S something to write home about. Wallace Shawn was sitting at the table right behind me and I kept trying to hear whatever wisdom he was doling out but people around me kept talking too loudly. SHHHHHHH! I swear, though, that every time I passed Wally on set, our eyes met and subliminal profundities were being exchanged. Or maybe not. Maybe I am just a wishful thinker.


Sometimes, doing background work is like speed dating. In one scene, you’re paired up with one partner, and in the next scene you’re with another, then another. No continuity, but lots of variety. Here I was with numerous partners – tall/short, moustached/clean-shaven, delicately fragrant/stinky, Greek/Philadelphian, SAG union/non-union, etc. But one thing for sure, in human nature, people just can’t shut the heck up. When they’re setting up the shot, the Director and A.D. and lighting and sound teams need to communicate with each other. The A.D. had to say 1000 times to the 125 extras, STOP TALKING. Some people would just be quiet for a minute and then they’d start talking again! It was amazing to me. And it wasn’t like they were saying anything important, just stuff like “have you done this show before?” “I’ve never watched Gossip Girl, do you like my heels, do you like oyster, who’s that character, is he famous?” etc. It’s not like they were solving the Darfur genocide issue or illuminating exactly what happens after we die - just chit chat and they wouldn’t shut up. SHHHHHHH!!!!



During the reception, we were supposed to be drunk and I was weaving my way through the dance floor with my fourth “date” of the night. I was passing a group of teens that actually had lines in the scene and may have included Penn B plus the character of Eric Van Der Woodsen (Serena’s brother, played by Connor Paolo. If it were him, he’s really short - kind of in indirect proportion to Chuck Bass or, rather, Ed Westwick's head, which looks really big!) when all of a sudden, I felt an irresistible force meeting my drunken swagger and I’m pretty sure that one of the boys in the posse TRIPPED on my FOOT. HOLY CRAP! I was too mortified to even look back to see who it was. Maybe if I didn’t actually see it, then it didn’t happen, even though it’s probably on TAPE for all times!

At the end of the long, exhausting day, the Director (the delightful Janice Cooke) was so happy with us that she started a chant, “When I say bad, you say...” “ASS!!!” Bad-ASS - Bad - ASS!! SHHHHHHHHH! xoxo, GG

Out of Season

A few weeks ago, they filmed the FX TV show, DAMAGES (starring Glenn Close) ON my street, but did they call me to work on it then? No, of course not. They called me to work on it when we had to trek to the Long Island hamlet of Melville on the day after a HUGE blizzard. We met the courtesy van that would take us to our fake destination of Antigua on the same east side corner in Manhattan where I met the van for BOARDWALK EMPIRE (see my earlier blog). The driver proceeded to get totally lost so a 45-minute drive turned into a 1.5 hour drive. I could have flown to Washington, DC or Burlington, VT in that time, or the ACTUAL Antigua. Did I mention that it was a summer scene shot in the dead of winter, only 21 degrees outside, in Melville, Long Island?

Once we arrived and traversed the icy path to the "Bank of Antigua," it was well worth the effort. As we entered this financial institution in Long Island, right behind the reception desk was a huge floor-to-ceiling indoor aquarium, filled with stingrays and exotic fish and crustaceans that I couldn't have identified in a million years if you paid me, which they did. But since it was an actual bank office, it was like working in Fort Knox. We had to be escorted everywhere, including the bathrooms. Like I was going to steal a fish.



Now, as an extra, while you're not required to bring a change of costume (unless they tell you to and then you get paid more for it) it always behooves one to bring multiple options to keep the wardrobe department happy. In all these years, I still haven't learned to cut down on what I bring, so from my backpack & garment bag with enough clothing to Eurail around Europe for a decade, they picked out a lovely little gold & white outfit that I had bought at a 42nd Street crafts mall, since knocked down to make way for DubaiWorld, or some such thing.

While practicing walking back and forth across the bank in my wrinkled yet festive summer outfit, I was pulled aside by one of the Production Assistants and asked if I would be a stand-in for "the banker," played by Cordelia Reynolds. I said yes, since you get more money for being a stand-in. So, I looked to see the person I'd be standing in for and she was about a fraction of my age, a 16th of my size, blonde, skinny as a rail and 8 feet tall in heels. She's like the cheerleader and I'm like the clarinet player in the marching band (which I really was). Still, don't blame me when the greenscreen image is thrown off!




Had I known that by stand-in, they literally meant STANDING in...! We were on our feet for ages. At one point, I was so tired and so hungry and craft services brought around chili sandwiches for the crew. But I'm a vegetarian! Next thing you know, they're bringing around a tray of tofu chili. Yay! Now, try eating THAT standing up in an actual bank with a camera right on you. Let's just say that all elegance went out the window as I tried to daintily eat a friggin' chili sandwich. I turned around for a second and caught a glimpse of myself in the camera monitor and it was a closeup of my sandwich in my nail-bitten hands and it was crumbling all over the place. Everybody else had finished theirs already and they were ready to shoot again. I had to throw the rest of it out but at least it got me through the next segment of the shoot.

After the shot was set up with the stand-ins, they brought in the "First Team," the principal players. I was sent back to be background again. The P.A. told me that on my cue, I should walk up to the desk of the bank, but then he changed his mind and said to walk around the side instead. They shouted "background action," and for some reason, in my delirious state, I walked up to the desk of the bank. CUT!!! (Did I not tell you that I'm the worst actress ever?) They then send me OUTSIDE the bank, in the actual cold in my little gold and white outfit, and the P.A. signals me to walk in right after Tate Donovan's character walks in. (I tell everyone he dated Jennifer Aniston, but I think maybe that was just her character on FRIENDS. This is how rumors start.) Everybody else has a coat outside but I just have a big wool sweater to throw on between shots, a sweater that was given to me by my roommate after our Amsterdam Avenue apartment was burned down by a junky freebasing cocaine, back in the day. So Tate says something to me like, aren't you cold? I act all cool and say, nah, I'm in menopause so the hot flashes are keeping me warm. He says that he is, too.

I do have to say, the crew was especially nice and the director, Glenn Kessler, had the patience of a saint. One of the long-term stand-ins, Janine, I'd met once before when she first taught me the art of "standing-in," on the set of Law & Order, many years ago. She kept me from being a total moron, as best she could. The other background players were an interesting assortment of folks, including someone named King, playing a beach-goer, who walked around in an American flag robe all day, while off-set, and in goggles, while waiting to roll. I asked if he just had one name, like Charo, and he said his last name was Hollywood. King Hollywood. Right. It was a long but fun day, for which I got extra pay for wearing wardrobe out of season. But at the end of the day, I still don't know if you say Antig-wa or Antig-ah.